russell higgs

04 Nov 2007 29,210 views
 
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on the Headphones: William S. Burroughs "Words of Advice for Young People"

(also there's more Burroughs on mp3 over at http://www.ubu.com/sound/burroughs.html)



People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people.
Well, here are a few simple admonitions for young and old.

Never interfere in a boy and girl fight.

Beware of whores who say they don't want money.
The hell they don't.
What they mean is they want more money.
Much more.

If you're doing business with a religious son of a bitch, get it in writing.
His word isn't worth shit, not with the good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.

Avoid fuckups.
You all know the type.
Anything they have anything to do with, no matter how good it sounds, turns into a disaster.

Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill.
Tell them firmly, "I am not paid to listen to this drivel. You are a terminal fool."

Now some of you may encounter the devil's bargain if you get that far.
Any old soul is worth saving, at least to a priest, but not every soul is worth buying.
So you can take the offer as a compliment.


They try the easy marks first, you know, like money, all the money there is.
But who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetery?
Money won't buy it. Not much left to spend it on, eh Gramps?
Getting too old to cut the mustard.

How does a young body grab ya?
Like three card monty or the pea under the shell, now you see it, now you don't
haven't you forgotten something, Gramps? In order to feel something, you have to be there. You have to be 18. You're not 18, you are 78.
Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.

Aw, they always try the easy ones first.

How about an "honorable bargain"? You always wanted to be a doctor, well, now's your chance.
You could become a great healer and benefit humanity.
What's wrong with that?
Just About Everything.

There are no honorable bargains involving exchange of qualitative merchandise, like souls, for quantitative merchandise like time or money.

So piss off, Satan, and don't take me for dumber than I look.

As an old junk pusher told me, "Watch whose money you pick up."

sunday 04112007



on the Headphones: William S. Burroughs "Words of Advice for Young People"

(also there's more Burroughs on mp3 over at http://www.ubu.com/sound/burroughs.html)



People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people.
Well, here are a few simple admonitions for young and old.

Never interfere in a boy and girl fight.

Beware of whores who say they don't want money.
The hell they don't.
What they mean is they want more money.
Much more.

If you're doing business with a religious son of a bitch, get it in writing.
His word isn't worth shit, not with the good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.

Avoid fuckups.
You all know the type.
Anything they have anything to do with, no matter how good it sounds, turns into a disaster.

Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill.
Tell them firmly, "I am not paid to listen to this drivel. You are a terminal fool."

Now some of you may encounter the devil's bargain if you get that far.
Any old soul is worth saving, at least to a priest, but not every soul is worth buying.
So you can take the offer as a compliment.


They try the easy marks first, you know, like money, all the money there is.
But who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetery?
Money won't buy it. Not much left to spend it on, eh Gramps?
Getting too old to cut the mustard.

How does a young body grab ya?
Like three card monty or the pea under the shell, now you see it, now you don't
haven't you forgotten something, Gramps? In order to feel something, you have to be there. You have to be 18. You're not 18, you are 78.
Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on.

Aw, they always try the easy ones first.

How about an "honorable bargain"? You always wanted to be a doctor, well, now's your chance.
You could become a great healer and benefit humanity.
What's wrong with that?
Just About Everything.

There are no honorable bargains involving exchange of qualitative merchandise, like souls, for quantitative merchandise like time or money.

So piss off, Satan, and don't take me for dumber than I look.

As an old junk pusher told me, "Watch whose money you pick up."

comments (1)

  • ray
  • Thailand
  • 4 Nov 2007, 23:00
Hi Russell.
Nice retro image...a sort of rendition of what 1940s's folks thought an alien might look like when it came visiting.

Regarding Bill, and his advice.

He seemed like such a gruff, smarter-than-the-rest-of-you sort of a bloke that it was hard to tell if he was serious or had his tongue firmly planted in his cheek.

I feel the power of the voice the Beat Rat Pack was in their observation and then description of what they saw...even if it was coming to them through a kaleidoscope of booze and drugs, and then being served to the reader through a second one.

This piece from Bill is good entertainment if it is seen as observation...but some gullible, dreamy young things probably think it is "advice".

It has dated a little:
"Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on" might now be
"Old fool sold his soul for a card of [viagra]".

Are the bolds your work, Russell? If so, why do you think they need to be highlighted?
russell higgs: Many people are simultaneously both serious and entertainingly tongue-in-cheek aren't they.

The sections that I highlighted seem to me to be exceptionally useful advice.

And "watch whose money you pick up" is particularly pertinent advice for all politicians, presidents and business folk etc.

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